Sorrowful Delight

I know I said I wouldn't be blogging - but the truth is I want to be blogging. 

After all - it was the search for community that brought me to blogland to begin with.

The appeal that you could write truthfully.

honestly.

raw.

I just can't muster up the strength to talk about what we are going through 

- and how that seems to just add to the pile of shit we've been going through over the last few years. 

All the losses.

Adding one more loss to the list seems to have brought up unfinished mourning 

of all the other recent losses, 

and perhaps even some not so recent. 

Part of me is afraid of judgement or not being understood.

Part of me just wishes I could get past this present moment - 

Mindfulness training be damned.

I don't want to be present. 

And as I searched for words of comfort this quotation rang true. 

And that's just it. 

It is losing the people, animals, things, and abilities 

that were such sources of joy that causes the sorrow. 

In a way the sorrow is beautiful,

it is a reminder of how many glorious relationships (be it with people, animals, things, or abilities) 

I have been so fortunate to have.

It is a reminder to enjoy those I have not lost. 

And yet it is still sorrow.

Heart wrenching sorrow.

Drowning in Quick Sand

Goya Dog Drowning in Quick Sand

Our get away has not gone as planned - not even close. And I'm left feeling so immeasurablly sorrowful. 

Tonight is not the night to blog... but after a very tearful day, I'm doing something that I don't usually do... I'm asking for support. Any gesture of love you'd be willing to share would be greatly appreciated. 

I'm thankful for the support my hubby gives - but in these times of trials and tribulations.. well, I need all the hope I can muster. 

I may dissapear from blogland for a while as I'm feeling like I probably wont have anything inspiring, witty, or lovely to say while I mourn. 

Steal away, take off, vamoose, vanish...

I've already used "absconded" as a title. So I looked it up in an on-line thesaurus (shut up, I already know I'm a dork, thank you):

run away, depart secretly, beat it, bolt, break, clear out, cut and run, decamp, disappear, dog it, duck out, escape, fade, flee, fly the coop, get, go AWOL, go south, hightail, jump, leave, make a break, make off, make scarce, pull out, quit, run off, scram, skedaddle, skip out, slip, sneak away, split, steal away, take off, vamoose, vanish

I think vamoose wins, don't you?

"Nature is my medicine." - Sara Moss-Wolfe

"Reaching that windswept perch, I decided, would cleanse my spirit and heal my wounds." - Stacy Allison

We've run off. Off to a little cabin up in the mountains. Its my birthday surprise, but more than that: it's time away. We will be lugging school books along - but it still seems less stressful when you are surrounded by snow and mountain air. With our busy work and school and internship schedules.... it feels like forever since I've just hung out with my husband. And since the little cabin has a hot tub too - there will be plenty of "just be" as well.

Pictures via WeHeartIt.Com

Sunday Scavenger Hunt and the Mad Hatter's Tea Party

First, my delayed Sunday Scavenger Hunt... I really struggled with them this week

1. Memories. Sunday I made new memories with my closest Colorado friends. It was a very silly and fun celebration! From left to right is the March Hare, the Mad Hatter (me), the White Rabbit, and the Dormouse from Wonderland :)

2. Silhouette. Actually its my shadow - its the best I could do.

3. Doorway(s). 

(and any picture you can just double click to enlarge)

4. Reflection.

5. Silver.

If you want to play along next week:

1. Texture 
2. Fog 
3. Button 
4. Beverage or Drink 
5. Seventies 

Previously, I had mentioned that Hubbasaurous Rex was planning a surprise for me.  Since today is my birthday he decided to let me in on his secret as my present! He has rented us a mountain cabin for a long weekend.  Its a small cozy cabin with just the basics - not those you associate as Aspen ski cabins - but it has a hot tub! He told me today so that I would know what to pack. I'm pretty excited to say the least.  I can't wait to cozy up with hot tea in front of a fire!

Sunday I threw myself a Mad Hatter's Tea Party. I haven't thrown myself a birthday party since my Pirate and Rum party when I turned 21. It was a small handful of closest friends and it was delightful. January has been such a hectic month that creating this party has been my self care throughout and the reward for getting through it! And boy... did I go a little overboard with all the decorating and baking. But I loved it!

Here, you are invited to join me:

You'll know you are at the right house when you see the mailbox.

And then the door.

As soon as you walk through the door - it feels like you are in a circus or wonderland!

And then of course what is a tea party without tea cups?

Find a white rose to paint red

Have yourself a White Rabbit cookie, or any of the TONS of cookies and cakes I baked...

Don't forget to dress the part!

 And just in case you forgot, feel free to borrow from my vintage collection.

Last, but certainly not least... Have fun!!!

Happy Friday #17: Happy Celebrations

TGIF!! Last night was an extremely difficult group session. I don't want to ever let my kids go to middle school. As much as I want to rant and vent and give you giggles over the nonsense I had to deal with yesterday -- it really isn't professional or ethical. So, instead I will give you the reasons I am happy this Friday!

(Although, one side note - on our rules board we now have "don't be a bitch" - um, yea. I tried to explain how this was covered in "Be respectful to others" but apparently I am wrong so "don't be a bitch" is also a rule. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, rules to live by...)


I am happy its Friday! 

I'm happy this week is over. 


I am happy that I have a fun weekend ahead. 

Tomorrow I am going to see a Rodeo since there was a huge deal available on-line to a limited number of people - and I was one of those that got it before it ran out! whoohooo. Whats the point of living out West if you don't appreciate what the West has to offer?

Sunday is my Mad Hatter Tea Party. Very few people are actually coming - but that is okay because the whole point is to just stop thinking about school, internship, and mean middle school girls, and have fun! Plus I'm just enjoying decorating and baking - oh I do love a good party!

I'm also looking forward to the week following:

Monday is a typical Monday at school and internship, but then...

Tuesday is my birthday and I don't even have to go to class because the professor is out of town! So I get a day to be Queen and stick my tongue out at school work!

Wednesday I get to do a group supervision with all the art therapists I work with in the summers doing camps for adoptive children and families. It is a job I hope to have again this summer and I LOVE the two supervisors leading it! So I'm thankful to spend an evening with them!

Then Thursday - there is a SURPRISE waiting for me. Hubbasaurous Rex has planned something (gasp - he planned!!! he never plans!). We are going somewhere Thursday through the weekend (another gasp - we never go anywhere that requires overnight stays since we've been really watching our money and we have two huge dogs that either have to come with us or require more money to be boarded! Except camping - and we better not be camping in snow.). He said he will tell me before we go because otherwise he is afraid I will pack our entire house. I mean seriously - I would prepare for everything and anything.  So next week... you and I will find out on Tuesday where I'm going with my darling dino.

What is making YOU happy this Friday?!

Planning my Mad Hatter's Tea Party.

Tuesday the 25th I turn 27. I don't usually make too big a deal for my birthdays. Usually my hubby and I do something fun together and I really enjoy that. However, with January being the crazy busy and overwhelming month that it has been, I really wanted to have something fun to look forward to. My inner child was demanding a fun birthday. So Sunday afternoon a handful of friends will be gathering at my house to celebrate!

Now a few things to know about me that contributed to my party planning.

1. If I am going to throw a party it usually will have some sort of theme. Its just more fun that way.
2. I like to be a kid.
3. I love tea. I love high tea and tea parties (the non-political kind) and hats and gloves and all things proper tea. I had Samantha the American Girl growing up - I blame her and her Victorian influence.

So if you add these things together you get a silly tea party. We all know the quintessential silly tea party is a mad hatter tea party. While I won't be utilizing all of these ideas - here are some of the GREAT inspirations I found online (should you ever know another mad individual who needs a party).

What a fun, festive wall display from the Cracktory in the Bayview district of San Fran. And I love the Cheshire Cat's outfit with her smile necklace. The smile is a good photo prompt, don't you think? Photo via Laughing Squid.

And check out another great Cheshire's smile - in form of a giant painted tea cup from Donna at Party Wishes.  

I LOVE LOVE LOVE how magical the tea party was that A Fanciful Twist had. Ooooooooh, I want it!

 

I love the delicate petit fours (also something I fell in love with from reading all about Samantha the American Girl) and their cute flags from the upscaled party shown by Parisian Party!

Ooooo and this chess table and all the fanciful treats Stacy Coon put together for her version of the party. Ooo La La. I have party envy!

I wish I had icing skills so I could make fabulous cupcakes like Kathy Jacobson did.

Oooo so many ideas. I think I will have to start hosting an annual tea party just so that eventually I can spend time and money on them! For now I will be going the very cheap, easy, and quick route to fit my schedule. But it will still be fun!!! 

and I've said "oooo" a lot in this post :)

List it Tuesday and Fire Engine Lips Wednesday

Linking up to the creative Aimee with my List-it Tuesday.

This list was made in my assessment class (yes, again, tsk tsk, I know!).  Once again I didn't have many markers on hand or even enough time to really detail the lettering (so I guess that means I was at least paying attention to some of my class!).  I was thinking more about the great Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. and words I associate with him. Words I would like to envision for the world. Words that kinda made me feel like a hippy shitting rainbows and unicorns... but that I somehow still embrace as beautiful. As much as I am not one of those damn pageant girls, world peace really does sound nice.

Once you've checked out Aimee's fun site, head on over to Micaela. She is hosting a very fun (and kissable) Wednesday date where all her lovely readers get to show of their Fire Engine red smoochers.

Have a great day, darlings.
I'll end this post with a big red kiss. MWAH!
xoxo,

Mailing off postcards

This week there wasn't much incoming mail. I'm hoping with my birthday right around the corner, that my mailbox will once again be bountiful. 

I've just mailed out several cards on stationary. Meanwhile, I also mailed off these hand-made postcards:

One for someone who likes butterflies.

I was pretty pleased how it came out. 

And one for a swap inspired by Post Secret

I have a dream

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity." 


"If you want to be important—wonderful. If you want to be recognized—wonderful. If you want to be great—wonderful. But recognize that he who is greatest among you shall be your servant...By giving that definition of greatness, it means that everybody can be great, because everybody can serve...You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love."


 - The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.


I have a dream - some of the most important and memoriable words ever said in this country. Today as I appreciate my day off and think about the man of the day, I am stopping to wonder what my own version of this speech is. What are my dreams (for myself, my community, my country, and our future)? It makes me think of vision boards. Thisi s a powerful artists tool that I have used over and over again for my own small personal dreams. I think it would be amazing and inspiring to make a vision board for my country, or for the world. 

image via Weheartit.com

I feel inspired to take the time to do this, but know that my schedule today may not allow that to happen... sigh, I'm trying to remember my "no to the more." But just by writing this intention - I know I will at least visualize my vision board in my thoughts. And by writing it and setting the intention to think about it throughout the day - I bet I'll remember this idea and I can come back to it when I'm not already balancing too many projects.   


I invite you to join me in my dreaming. What do you want to see for your community, your country, and the world? What dreams do you have in place for you children and their children and all future generations? 

Sunday Scavenger Hunt

The rules are simple:

1. Anyone can participate. 
2. You're encouraged to take five new photos this week for the challenge. 
3. If you get stumped, you may use one photo from your archive 
4. Link up to Ashley (or Tuesday at the latest) - you can use the button above. 
5. Have fun!

1. A different view 

2. Looking up

3. Abstract - I've got valentines on my mind. edited photo of a XO stamp

4. Hair - Self portrait with hair in rollers

5. Half - Half a self portrait with hair in rollers

and because I took pictures for the last hunt, but didn't have the time to post them...

1. This is me - once my printer ran out of ink and printed me in purple. I loved it!

2. Resolutions - the new year brought new sneakers so I could keep my fitness resolutions!

3. Treasured - a picture of my niece and I around 2000 or so. It is in a little view finder I keep near my bed.

 This is the view finder... to clarify.

4. Innocence - when I was little I would play with my mom's button collection for hours.

Now, I can still entertain myself for hours given a pile of buttons. 

 5. Primitive - my grandmother's banana necklace. My mom thought it was ugly, but saved it anyway. I love love love it and enjoy finding outfits to wear it with! 

The linky will be open until Tuesday night at midnight (EST). If you didn't participate this week, but want to participate next week, here are your items: 

1. Memories
2. Silhouette 
3. Doorway(s) 
4. Reflection
5. Silver 

Happy Friday #16. Happy Self Care!

Happy Friday lovies!

This Friday I am particularly happy with the successful week I've had at internship - it was a pretty big week where I finally got one of my programs up and running with individual pre-screenings, group sessions, and parent sessions....... phew. As exciting as it was, it was an exhausting week to say the least, and now I am happy to report that today I am particularly happy because I'm about to indulge in some self care.

A slow morning.
Time at the gym.
A longer walk with the pups.
A bath plus an at home mani-pedi!
Catching up on this week's TV shows.
Having friends over tonight to watch movies, make art, and drink wine!

I still have a lot of school work and more planning stuff to fit in today, but that will be after several hours of  relaxation first! ahhhh.... Friday!

Whats making you happy today?

Wee Bit Wednesday with some bubbly

{one} have you ever been on tv?

Yes. When I was in 8th grade I went to visit my brother in Germany (he was stationed there with the Air Force).  We went to Brussels, Belgium for a qualifying soccer game - Belgium v. US. This was when the US men's team was still really really bad - not that they are great now, but back then they were a huge joke. Even still, we went with his squadron all decked out head to toe with face paint Red, White, and Blue US style. We got to the stadium a bit early so went to a pub. We ended up walking into THE Belgium fan club pub - where they were hard core partying and gearing up for the game. There was several TV crews catching all the excitement. Since we were the only ones at the pub decked out in USA wear - they included us in songs and chants and a whole lot of other fun, which was live on TV.

Funny side story - a Belgium man there was talking about how much he loved soccer. His wife was in labor with their firstborn while he was at the game. haha.

{two} what was the best movie you saw last year?

right now my brain is too fried to really think about this - but last week I watched Easy A. I laughed my ass off. I loved it!

{three} do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

tucked in with hospital corners - my grandmother was a nurse in WWII and is very particular about her hospital corners; I guess I just picked up on it. And since I toss and turn a lot - it helps keeps the sheets on!

{four} do you cut coupons?

We don't get coupons in the mail usually. But I do hold on to the few that do arrive. What I really should do is find them online and use those - but I don't do that currently.

{five} do you ever count your steps when you walk?

when I am trying to judge how fast I'm walking (when I'm trying to speed up for exercise purposes) I'll count how many strides it takes per segment in the sidewalk. I aim for three.

{six} what sauce do you dip your chicken nuggets in?

I don't eat chicken nuggets. I'm one of those weirdos that don't usually eat anything that gets handed out of a window - probably happens 5 times a year, and then its usually a burger or something easy to eat while driving.

{seven} do you have any magazine subscriptions?

no. I'm too poor, but my coworkers bring their month old magazines in for me at my internship for me to read before using for collage. If I did have a subscription it would be to: Better Homes and Gardens, Martha Stewart, Vogue, and Psychology Today!

{eight} when was the last time you wrote a letter on paper?

Sunday.

{nine} what’s your favorite fruit pie?

mmmmm I love love love blueberry pie! But apple pie, peach pie, cherry pie - as long as they are made from real fruit and don't have that yucky syrup on them, I am all about pie. Much better than cake!

{ten} black olives or green olives?

I love olives but I really think of Spanish olives as treats - I buy them occasionally as a little gift to myself and eat them while taking a bubble bath. I know I'm weird, but it makes me happy.


your turn! if you would so like please click the button above to be taken the Leigh Ashley's link-up


and I thought I would share a little bit of me in form of pictures of things around my house too. 


This week:


In honor of being the first wee-bit survey of the new year, my love of fine champagne. These are a few of my collection (obviously from back in the day when we both had jobs that paid very well and lived an over-indulgent extravagant life style that we will probably never go back to even when we do get paid in the future... but I might have to sneak some fine champagne from time to time)