I know I said I wouldn't be blogging - but the truth is I want to be blogging.
After all - it was the search for community that brought me to blogland to begin with.
The appeal that you could write truthfully.
I just can't muster up the strength to talk about what we are going through
- and how that seems to just add to the pile of shit we've been going through over the last few years.
All the losses.
Adding one more loss to the list seems to have brought up unfinished mourning
of all the other recent losses,
and perhaps even some not so recent.
Part of me is afraid of judgement or not being understood.
Part of me just wishes I could get past this present moment -
Mindfulness training be damned.
I don't want to be present.
And as I searched for words of comfort this quotation rang true.
And that's just it.
It is losing the people, animals, things, and abilities
that were such sources of joy that causes the sorrow.
In a way the sorrow is beautiful,
it is a reminder of how many glorious relationships (be it with people, animals, things, or abilities)
I have been so fortunate to have.
It is a reminder to enjoy those I have not lost.
And yet it is still sorrow.
Heart wrenching sorrow.