Mail Call Monday

 I am lucky to have three people write me regularly:

1. The lovely lovely Micaela, who's letters always make me feel so loved and understood. They really are what I look forward to most, and I check my mailbox every day hoping I'll have a little love from this darling girl. Don't you admire this handmade paper? It had such a lovely texture to it too.

2. My dear sweet Mommy. This postcard of Salome by Robert Henri captures my gypsy soul. My Mommy and I both fully acknowledge that we must have gypsies in our ancestry... our wanderlust is so strong, we have music in our hearts and bodies, and we will always overcome whatever obstacles are in our paths.

 Mommy also visited the historic mansions in Newport, Rhode Island. It looks like it is Versailles, doesn't it?! This trip has  been on my Mommy's bucket list for a while. Although I'm jealous I didn't get to go with her, I know she had a blast going with her best friend.

3. Sweet Kelly who is always so supportive and genuinely interested in how I am feeling and coping with my illnesses. She is one of those rare gems that actually gets it - and for that I am always thankful!
I love the fall beauty captured in this card.

And ^This card is one of Kelly's own sketches! Seriously talented, right? Guess what... she just opened up her very own etsy shop. You should really check it out. I'm lucky enough to have one of her originals, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. So hop on over to her store Kelly's Art Journaling and check it out!


In addition to the mail from me three loyal writers I got a wedding invation. This invitation is extra special because the bride is Tyler, of The Girl Tyler, who designs paper goods (in addition to being a photographer - namely a wedding photographer). She and Martin are a cute couple who are really laid back, artsy, and retro. How cute is her idea of a record and album? So cute!

 And just to brag on my friend a little more. Please check out this Save the Date video she made for one of her clients....


Save The Date | Kim & Ly | 1.28.2012 from The Girl Tyler on Vimeo.

today my heart hurts

It has been a very long, very hard week. There are times I question my profession.

Why did I choose to be a therapist? Why did I choose to be a therapist working with this particular population - the one that is hurting and breaking to such a powerful degree. The one where basic needs aren't met. The one where there seems to be barriers and obstacles every step of the way.

I've been told my heart is too big. It seems it always has been. For as long as I can remember I have had people telling me that I shouldn't let other peoples affect me the way I do. Sometimes their hurting and breaking becomes hurts and breaks in my own heart, even with all the self-care practices, the trainings, the previous experience.... it still gets to me.

There is a part of me that has to admit that I want it to get to me, I don't want to become hardened.
But at times, like now, my heart just hurts.

This week it seemed like all of the families I am working with were in extreme crisis. Whether it was placement, suicide attempts, or very serious legal consequences... the shit seemed to hit the fan in every single case. And while crisis is a big part of the job description, and I am trained well, and have a good support system with excellent supervision.... there are still times where I feel completely useless to these families because it is not in my power to take the hurt away.

In addition to the professional life, my heart has broken over personal issues this week too. Like Sunday night, the hours long phone call I received from someone I haven't spoken to since high school. Who called me because he had no one else he trusted to call, who called me to say that he still was scared from his last service when he barely stayed alive, who called me to say that he needed someone to say goodbye to before he went back to war in 2 hours, who called me to say he didn't think he was coming back. And as he cried on his end of the phone - miles and miles away - I cried on my end.

I am proud of who I am. I am proud of my big heart.
I like being that person, who even years later, you know you can count on to be there, whether I'm there for the fun positive stuff or during the scariest darkest moments.
I do. I take pride in that. But I also feel beaten up by it.
But I know I will continue to allow it.
I will continue to have my heart broken and opened.
Because to me, it seems that allowing that only makes my heart bigger with each repair.
And I would rather have a heart that is too big than a hardened heart.
I would rather feel the hurt than be oblivious to it.



But today, I'm finding time in my busy day, to do a little mending and repairing. I have my traveling sketch book with me, and in between sessions and court dates I plan on sketching and sipping tea. I can't wait to get home tonight, to curl up with my husband (the one that is there for me) and my sweet puppy  (who only cares about food, balls, walks, and belly rubs and reminds me to enjoy all the little things life has to offer) and hopefully get an early nights sleep.

(The picture is by Shira Sela and is available at her Etsy shop. I think I might have to splurge and get it for myself as a little gift for surviving the week)

Random Things About Me

So I feel like all my posts right now are either about painting or photography. Which I love both - but it leaves out some of that personal stuff. And honestly, the blogs I love the most are the ones with the personal connection.

A blogging friend, Micaela, hosts Wanting to Know You Wednesdays, where she usually discloses something about herself and then asks her readers to also. She is also a fan of having people tell her 10 random things about themselves.

So in the spirit of Micaela....

1. I really like Quotable Cards. I always end up hanging them on my vision wall or keeping them around the office for YEARS until I un-tape them from the wall and send them to a friend. 
The above is one that I picked up sometime in undergrad. It has been taped to walls, refrigerators, and in the car. It is finally ready to be passed on to one of my friends (one who will overlook the tape)

2. The blog name Phoenix Peacock comes from a tattoo I have on my left shoulder. I have always loved the stories of the Firebirds, particularly the ones from Russia.
 
My mom had this fabulously illustrated Russian folktale story book that I just loved as a kid. I had a gold tutu that had lace I could wrap down my arms. It was my very favorite item in my dress up box and I always used to pretend I was a gold Russian Firebird when I wore it.

(Me at my 7th birthday party)

3. I am drawn towards birds in general... particularly when it comes to my tattoos. I only have two, but they are both birds. As a kid I remember going for long walks and climbing trees and just spending hours bird watching. I had a bird book and a monocular.

4. Even though my blog name is Phoenix Peacock, it should really be Bunny.
I'm the youngest (by a long shot) of 4 children. The three oldest (whom I've always called the Big Kids) were clumped together age-wise and then 9 years later I came along. My father's Air Force squadron teased my parents that they reproduced like rabbits... and so my nursery theme became bunnies.
Im pretty sure I have the entire Peter Rabbit and Friends collection.

Plus I have all sorts of homemade bunny items.
They are all currently packed up and in a box in my Mom's basement... just waiting for me to start a nursery with! I can't wait to unpack it all.
The bunny obsession continued later in life too. As a little kid, my oldest sister took me to see one of the Disney princess movies in the theaters, I think it was Sleeping Beauty, and when a bunny hopped onto the screen I just about screamed in excitement "BUNNY!!!!" I was much more impressed with the bunny than the princess. ha.
In college, when I first started dating my Hubby, I had a bunny named Puka. Without knowing about my childhood obsession, Hubby started calling me Bunny. And the obsession took off all over again. Anything bunny now gets the same excitement today that it would have when I was 4.

5. I really like teal. I think other than pink as a little girl, it is the only color I could ever say has been a favorite. For most of my life I didn't have a favorite color... so I guess I'm excited about it. Is that weird?


6. Speaking about favorites, I don't have a favorite season. I love different qualities about each one.

7. I am fascinated by different cultures. I want to know about their holidays, their food, their traditions, their dances, their dress, and their decoration. One day I really want to travel the world. And I hope the home I own in the future reflects all of that. I want furniture and decorations to reflect the many cultures I've had a pleasure of being introduced to.


8.  I'm also really fascinated by sculpture, sculptural components in design, and in particularly - the use of upcycled materials. I like both the modern edge and shabby chic... but I really like the creativity and the new life breathed into items that use materials in new and exciting ways.


9. I have a fascination with metal and rust. I also have a fascination with paper, book pages, and old maps.

10. I have extreme wanderlust and always feel the urge to go somewhere and explore. This has been a life-long feeling. I also have a mind full of ideas - to the point it is hard to accomplish anything because I want to do everything.

What are ten random things about you? Or, if thats too much, tell me one project you've been pushing off, or only half-way committed to, that you really want to accomplish!

Barns, Sheds, and Silos

No place is boring, if you've had a good night's sleep and have a pocket full of unexposed film.

 -Robert Adams, Darkroom & Creative Camera Techniques , Page: 37

At our best and most fortunate we make pictures because of what stands before our camera, to honor what is greater and more interesting than we are. We never accomplish this perfectly, though in return we are given something perfect--a sense of inclusion. Our subject thus redefines us, and is part of the biography by which we want to be known.

 - Robert Adams

 Your own photography is never enough. Every photographer who has lasted has depended on other peoples pictures too - photographs that may be public or private, serious or funny but that carry with them a reminder of community.

 - Robert Adams

Inspired by Robert Adams

There is an exhibit by Robert Adams at the Denver Art Museum right now. I found it 100% inspiring... particularly since his photos were taken right in back yard. I had already taken these photos, but now found the time to revisit them, edit them, and share them with you! 

A series of Trees from a bike ride I took awhile ago....  

more photos from the same ride soon

Happy Friday: Believe

When I was in undergraduate school, there was a guy on campus, who every Friday for all four years he was there, would carry red balloons around with him and greet everyone he met with "Happy Friday." I got to know him and he was so inspiring. Before college he had been in a severely bad car accident that resulted in multiple physical and cognitive disabilities. Even though it took away his talents as an athlete and set him back drastically physically and mentally, he was just so positive about life. And part of that positivity was recognizing that every Friday is a celebration. He had made it one more week!

Although he and I have lost touch, and I don't even remember his name, every Friday I think of him. 

Every Friday his positive spirit still reminds me that no matter what is going on in life at the moment, it is still a celebration to have made it through one more week.

I think he has forever changed my life and my outlook.

This Friday. I am celebrating these things that make me happy:

1. Its Veteran's Day. This doesn't make me happy in the usual sense, but it makes me grateful. And I believe that gratitude goes above and beyond happiness. In fact, I don't think you can be truly happy without being grateful.
2. New love. I love seeing my friends who have just gotten married or just had a baby. New love is an instant reminder of that feeling, and then you look over to your partner that you've been with for years, and you feel all gushy and butterfly like. And all of a sudden your reminded that each day, no matter how long you've been together, there is always the choice to fall into new love with your partner all over again.
3. Also Old Love. I love seeing old couples that are obviously so happy and in love together after decades. It is inspiring. It is sweet. We all know there are days where liking our partners or being likable to our partners is difficult. To know that that is just a single day and not worth ruining the years or even decades to come... plus old couples are just so freakin' cute! 
4. Dance parties when you are stuck in traffic. It makes me giggle. I don't care that other drivers think I'm crazy... I'm having a lot more fun than they are as they yell miserably at the car in front of them. 
5. Audio books. I now have clients that are 130 miles away from each other. With the intense therapy I offer, I see my families a ton... so I am in the car a ton. And audio books make that fun! 
6. Getting unexpected mail from a friend just because she knows that my illnesses have been giving me a really hard time lately. It is pretty lovely when people reach out. I don't think anyone realizes how even the littlest thought of support can mean. Its huge. 
7. Paying it forward. I have a project in mind that combines a bit of #1, #2, and #6. Please see the bottom of this post. 
8. Time with friends. Tomorrow I am hosting the second monthly art making party. It will be really nice to see a friend I haven't seen since graduation who is coming. Also I love making new friends and will be glad to see the ones that were at the last art making party in October, and to see some new ones too. 
9. Art making time. Like I said, art making party! whoo-hoo!!!
10. Believe. Whether it is believe in a spiritual being, believe in magic, believe in you... beliefs are so important, so worth it, and definitely help with the happiness factor. 

 

Something I believe in is the power of community, the power of a single act of random kindness and love. 

My young cousin, Meghan, just graduated from school and married her high school sweetheart, Jack, in the Summer. As soon as they were married, they moved from the furthest you could be on the East Coast of the States to the furthest you could be on the West Coast of the States, where they knew no one. All because her sweet new Marine husband was stationed there. And now he is in Afghanistan, where he will remain over the holidays. Meghan is very brave and very upbeat, but she doesn't have the support that she would have if she and Jack had been with their squadron for a while first, and she doesn't know anyone else in California other than the co-workers at the job she just got. And Jack is serving his country for the first time - completely new territory both actually and metaphorically. I know many friends and family that have gone through this, and they all say the love and support they received was a phenomenal part of getting through it. So this veterans day, I'm asking for your love and support. 

Wouldn't it be great to take a moment and just write a little note or make a sweet little piece of art to send to Meghan and/or Jack? Just something little, not anything big, not anything that will take much of your time... 

would you do that for me? for them?

if you are game for it, please send the letter/art/whatever to me (I'll send them all as carepackages) so that I can surprise Meghan and Jack by forwarding them on... on the envelope just say if it is for Meghan or Jack, so it gets to the right half of the couple. 

in care of:

Phoenix Peacock

423 South Dover Avenue

Lafayette, Colorado

80026

USA

You'd be so awesome if you did!

Ketchup!

“Three tomatoes are walking down the street…papa tomato, mama tomato and baby tomato. Baby tomato starts laggin’  behind and papa tomato gets really angry, goes back and squishes ‘im and says… Catch UP" 


Because I've been taken pictures each week for Ashley's scavenger hunt Sundays. I just haven't had time to load them, edit them, and show them. But here are the last two weeks... hopefully I'll even get todays up and posted by nightfall!

1. Words

2. Orange

all decked out for Halloween

3. Under

4. Fly

5. Always Look on the Bright Side

Bright Trail is one of our favorite places for camping/hiking. 

1. Macro - close up.

(hard to do if you don't have a macro lens)

2. Found Texture

(held a potato sack in front of the lens)

3. Home

If my hand is in his, then where ever we are, I am home.

4. Cover

5. The Tree